I haven’t been in Quora for a while and popped in to see if anyone had asked me a question. I was shocked to see I had 74 notifications. One of my answers had exploded, it has had almost 38,000 views and 1000 upvotes.!! and so many comments I had to leave and go back to it, or I will spend the whole day there and I have to pick up my son in a couple of hours.
But I thought if my answer got that much attention and accolades it was worth sharing here. So here you go.
Do you think people who beat, rape, shout at, con, and otherwise abuse others are happy people? Do you think you can abuse a child and still be a genuinely happy person? Do you think you can sexually and physically abuse someone and feel authentic happiness?
Do you think it really matters that some of them have money or a respectable job? Sure, money can provide a sense of safety, and having social power can indeed be useful. But ultimately, the price that they pay for it is an even bigger loss of self. This makes their feelings of misery and self-loathing even stronger. And it’s not like they wake up one day and change their mind and behavior. All the lies, deception, hiding, being abusive, creating stories and justifications, fighting with people—all of it continues to spread and pile up.
Eventually decent people don’t want to associate with them, but they are older and more miserable, so they start feeling more and more desperation. Some of them try to change their behavior out of fear of mortality or loneliness or need for narcissistic supply. Some try to guilt-trip or shame or bully others into giving them resources, but it becomes harder and harder.
You can’t concentrate on external things and status symbols and be happy. You can’t be happy and abusive at the same time. You can’t mistreat and manipulate others and be happy. That’s not what real happiness is about.
William was ashamed and embarrassed. For years, he tolerated abuse from his wife yet he told no one. Knowing he would not strike back at her, she hit him, threw things at him, physically blocked him from leaving the room, and followed him when he did yelling insults. Sex was used as manipulation. If William did what she wanted, he could have sex. If not, there was no sex for months. He was so humiliated by the abuse that even when he entered therapy, he didn’t reveal what was happening. Instead, he minimized her rages as ‘disagreements’. But one day, after coming in with a fresh red mark on his face and looking visibly shaken by her latest outburst, he disclosed his reality. Just admitting the abuse was relieving but he had a long road ahead to recovery. All too often, the signs of domestic violence for men are dismissed. The old stereotype of an abuser being a male in a wife beater T-shirt is still alive. But in reality, abusers come from all socioeconomic groups, demographics,
What are the differences between a sociopath and a psychopath? Does research show these are two very different disorders, with different symptoms?
The common features of a psychopath and sociopath lie in their shared diagnosis —antisocial personality disorder. The DSM-51 defines antisocial personality as someone have 3 or more of the following traits:
Regularly breaks or flouts the law
Constantly lies and deceives others
Is impulsive and doesn’t plan ahead
Can be prone to fighting and aggressiveness
Has little regard for the safety of others
Irresponsible, can’t meet financial obligations
Doesn’t feel remorse or guilt
In both cases, some signs or symptoms are nearly always present before age 15. By the time a person is an adult, they are well on their way to becoming a psychopath or sociopath.
Childhood Bullying as a Part of Complex Trauma I have spoken with countless survivors who report not only having endured narcissistic abuse by parents and spouses, but also by school-aged peers. Childhood bullying can cause PTSD and even be a part…
The term ‘gaslighting’ has been coined from a 1944 movie in which a husband who is trying to steal his wife’s inheritance convinces her that she is imagining things when she starts to notice odd and furtive behavior on his part. Their gas lights flicker whenever he is in the attic, searching for jewels he thinks are hidden there. He convinces her that she’s imagining things. Gradually, his lies and manipulation make her, and other people, question her sanity. Gaslighting has become a useful term for what goes on in some emotionally abusive relationships. When gaslighting, the abuser finds a way to make the victim think she or he is ‘crazy’ by steadily questioning their perception of reality. It only works because the abuser also knows how to appear like a friendly, even loving, concerned friend, lover or work supervisor at least some of the time. The victim can’t believe that someone who loves or cares for them would purposefully and systematically try to hurt them. It’s important to