St.Paul says: Slanderers
Psychology says: Narcissists build an inner shrine to themselves where they self-aggrandize to an extraordinary degree so that they can feel intrinsically superior to all others. Of course, their highly inflated view of themselves is an illusory false-self (a pathological ego) that becomes the basis for all future misinterpretations of their reality. Their feelings of being superior in everyway to everybody, becomes the source of much pain and envy for them when ever they feel outshined by anybody.
Pathological envy and jealousy is an integral part of narcissism (envy is a desire for what another person has, while jealousy is the fear that what something can be taken away). Narcissists are envious of anything in others that they lack in themselves (i.e. beauty, possessions, knowledge, personal qualities, power, skills, achievements, qualifications, relationships, money etc. Their envy consumes them, and the list of their covetousness (“I want, I want”) is endless. Envy is a normal human feeling which can range from mild to severe, from healthy to unhealthy, from positive to negative. For example, “healthy envy” has positive qualities. Healthy envy acts as a valuable guide for your heart, leading you in the direction of what your soul requires, so in effect, the thing you desire acts as a mirror for personal growth. For example, if you envy the knowledge of your tutor in college, perhaps there is a part of your soul that yearns to become a teacher, or to be in a position where you can impart knowledge. Healthy envy is empowering because it brings you nearer to your life’s goal. Whereas, unhealthy envy is disempowering because it keeps you bound to a fantasy, making you blind to your own true nature. Because the narcissist acts out of a False Self, they suffer from a twisted heart, leaving them at the mercy of their “unhealthy envy”, and envy that can trigger their feelings of vulnerability, shame and self-loathing at any moment. Any of these feeling can result in narcissistic injury, to which the narcissist invariably react to with rage. In order to rid themselves of such emotional turmoil and recover their equilibrium, the narcissist projects those intolerable feelings outward onto the person of their envy. Once you become the object of the narcissists envy you are in serious trouble. In order to improve their own self image they are likely to do a character assassination on you. This is not innocent gossip, rather it is an intentional and premeditated smear campaigne of “projection and smearing” that is aimed at maligning you in order to tarnish your reputation and make them feel better about themselves. Be warned, they are cold, ruthless, and self-serving, and by the way, they take no prisoners.
St. Paul says: Without self-control
Psychology says: When we speak of the narcissist in relation to “control”, we find we are dealing with a paradox that is somewhat ironic. In truth, most people would consider narcissists to be “control freaks”, when the fact is they are constantly under the threat of loosing self-control. Due to some circumstance in their childhood, the narcissist would have experienced a loss of control that would have a devastating effect to their sense of self. With a poor sense of self they are left feeling very unsafe in all areas of life. The consequences of feeling so out of control, is that they as adults seek to dominate each and every interaction they have, whether it be with an individual or within a group, whether it be in the home, the workplace, or in social settings. This need to control makes them feel powerful. However, their power is not “power with”, but rather “power over”, and this becomes their springboard to verbal and emotional abuse in all their relationships. For the narcissist, power and control go hand in hand. Strangely enough, they see themselves as masters of power and control, however nothing is further from the truth. In reality the narcissist uses acts of control as a major defense against ALL that appears hostile in their eyes. Control is just one of their obsessive multi-addictions in an organized energy-system that they use to insulate their fragile ego from narcissistic injury, to counterbalance their mental peculiarity in their interpersonal connection with others, and to shield them from their constant feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.
At first glance the narcissist appears to the unsuspecting onlooker as being full of self-control; they come across as charismatic, educated, confidant, charming, and sociable. However whenever the narcissist shows an interest in someone, it is not as innocent as it first appears. Because of their obsessive need for attention, the narcissist is on the constant lookout for the narcissistic supply that they crave. They are really good at making themselves appear attractive to others, they are willing to invest a great deal of energy in the beginning of any relationship so that the person feels safe and secure with them. What the unsuspecting victim does not realize is that they are being enticed to becoming a source of supply that the narcissist can control and manipulate. When this is achieved, the narcissist feels empowered and in control of everything within their sphere of influence (i.e. the where, the when, the why etc).
St. Paul says: Despisers of good
Psychology says: Most of mankind is motivated by self-interest, however most can exercise impulse control due to their personal core values. Narcissists on the other hand appear to be disconnected from their personal feelings, therefore lacking a personal value system. This lacking of a value system leads also to a lack of integrity, empathy and a social conscience. Operating from a primary impulse drive of self interest, they rationalize that morally wrong actions are justifiable where self glorification is the end goal. Bankrupt of moral obligation, their grandiose sense of entitlement is free to conclude that the world owes them everything, and that rules that apply to everybody else do not apply to them. They are lovers of good, but only when that good applies to them, because they are really true lovers of self. They resent “do gooders” as they trigger their shame. Of course they will deny this, even to themselves, as they boast that they are moral, and lovers of the common good. Their evil behaviour is a direct result of their “lack of the good”, and they will have no moral conscious about lying about their so called compassionate, righteous and generous nature, all of which is a deceptive camouflage.
St. Paul says: Traitors
Psychology says: A traitor is one who betrays another’s trust. So in what way does a narcissist betray trust? Narcissists are not interested in authentic relationships, that is why they betray people constantly. However, they do need people to boost their fragile ego, that is why they are always on the look out for their narcissistic supply. Once a narcissist identifies a person as their potential supply, they will be stalked as prey by their predator. Once the hunt commences, then every trick at seduction will be engaged until the person is truly hooked. Once a victim is hooked they are seen as fair game for total exploitation. Phase one is called the initial “Idealization Stage”, the narcissist puts on their “best face” in order to mould their victim into a symbiotic relationship with them as their narcissistic supply. If their potential prey is part of a group, they will target them in such a way until they manage to separate them from all protective friends. For a while the narcissist will shower them with attention in their bid to glean all knowledge about them, their value system, their vulnerability, their interests, their needs and wants. They will then feign those same common interests in such a way that the unsuspecting victim believes that they have found their soul-mate, someone who understands them fully. The victim mistakes what is happening in the relationship as friendship, rather than being a victim who is being used to provide the narcissist with something that they lack. When the narcissist has what they want, they will move into The Devaluation Stage: Almost overnight the narcissist becomes decisively cold and uncaring. The victim’s falls from grace is a hard one, they cannot seem to do anything right anymore; the narcissists loving words turn to criticism, everything the victim tries ends in a negative effect, and they find themselves devalued at every turn. Totally confused, the victim has no idea what is happening, and they become increasingly stressed, unhappy and depressed with the situation. The narcissist “gaslighting behaviour” has reached its peak, and they despise who their supply person has become (weak and worthlessly inferior). Having been devoured, the victim’s utility is exhausted, and the game enters into The Discarding Phase: Once this happens, the narcissist ardor for the game has dampened, in their eyes they have already won the contest, and the fun is over and they go in for the kill without any remorse. By this time, the narcissist is totally indifferent to any needs or wishes that the victim may have, in effect they no longer exist in their mind. Not so for the victim, they are left confused and raw with emotion, and are eager to find solutions in order to “fix” the dying relationship. It is this behaviour of setting out to find a victim to use, abuse, then annihilate that makes the narcissist such a traitor.
St. Paul says: Headstrong
Psychology says: A person who is headstrong is one that is determined to have their own way, and often this is achieved through willfulness and obstinacy. Headstrong types are not easily restrained; they are ungovernable, obstinate and stubborn. Narcissists are driven by this type of impulsiveness, even though they do their best to hide behind a facade that helps them to look like they have a self that is controlled and micro managed. Truth is that their headstrong nature is neither controlled nor well managed. The narcissist lives in their heads, and their headstrong attribute can be detected in their magnetic eyes, which can be seductive one minute (when they want to get their way), or a raging monster the next (when they feel thwarted in reaching their goal). All narcissists have an inordinate fascination with themselves, and they expect this also of their narcissistic supply. So any act of opposition against them, whether it is real or imagined, is likely to make them become violent, obstinate, ungovernable, untractable, stubborn, unruly, and vengeful.
St. Paul says: haughty
Psychology says: To be haughty means to act with blatant arrogance or disdainful pride. The narcissist displays all of these characteristics in that they consider themselves to be better, more superior than those around them. The haughty narcissist basically has an overall attitude that causes them to scorn others, to see them as inferior, by so doing they set themselves above everybody else. This puts them at the centre of the Universe, with everything revolving around them. They have little or no concern for anybody else, preferring to live by their own rules. It is such pride that often brings them down with the law. Without humility of heart the narcissist has no proper perspective beyond himself. Their haughtiness gives way to grandiosity, an overwhelming need for admiration and entitlement, impaired ability to have empathy towards others, and a lack of commitment to others.